My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
