Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
