i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
