Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
