I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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