so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
