I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
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Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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