I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
