I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
