it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
