ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
