i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
