Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
