I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
