My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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