Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
