smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
