YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
