I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
