He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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