I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
