I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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