GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
