i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
