all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
this will be a night to untag.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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