apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
