Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
