dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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