But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
