My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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