Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
