Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
