and you said cock pushups were impossible
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
