My friends, they love my intelligence
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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