Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
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