i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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