so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
