do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
True strength comes from lack of pants
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
