My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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