He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
