Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
