Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
