My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
