When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
