i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
