I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
