So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
