we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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