Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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