Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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