that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
