are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
