so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
