You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
