P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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