..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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