Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
