I'm sorry my penis didn't work
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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