he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
