hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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