omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I believe in your delicious
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
